Archive for July, 2008

What is this internets fad?

Today Republican Senator Ted Stevens from Alaska was indicted for being a politician and doing what politicians do best: accept bribes and then lie about it. Unfortunately, the guy is old as fuck so he probably won’t be going to jail. But no matter what happens, we’ll always remember the crazy, ancient asshole for his hilarious speech on the Senate floor explaining how the internet is “a series of tubes.”

Two YouTube classics:

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Diets are for suckers.

Summer at home with the rent-payers has been uneventful. Sometime between being called a loser by my brother’s 16 year-old virgin friends and deciding that I’m above utilizing my “free” gym membership, I’ve eaten my way up 3lbs on the scale. I’ve been home for just over two weeks, so that doesn’t bode well. Here is what my summer has revolved around, thus far:

God, I love food. I’m going to heat up some frozen pizza rolls right now.

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The sexual revolution =/= female liberation.

From the book “Female Chauvenist Pigs” by Ariel Levy, pg. 195:

“Erica Jong’s Fear of Flying, published in 1973, famously introduced Americans to the idea that a woman might desire a consequence-free “zipless fuck.” “I had to create the zipless fuck to rebel against my fifties upbringing,” she said. “I told my daughter the other day, ‘Your generation does it; my generation just talked about .’ I look at my daughter and her friends in their twenties and they are reveling in their sexuality. They don’t feel guilty, and why should they? Men never did. Right now, they’re young and beautiful and full of energy and they don’t necessarily want to have a relationship, or even necessarily have a guy stay the whole night!

“But I would be happier if my daughter and her friends were crashing through the glass ceiling instead of the sexual ceiling,” Jong continued. “Being able to have an orgasm with a man you don’t love or having Sex and the City on television, that is not liberation. If you start to think about women as if we’re all Carrie on Sex and the City, well, the problem is: You’re not going to elect Carrie to the Senate or to run your company. Let’s see the Senate fifty percent female; let’s see women in decision-making positions– that’s power. Sexual freedom can be a smokescreen for how far we haven’t come.”

Amen.

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Buy American Apparel boxers and get free beejs!

So I saw this ad over on Gawker today and thought it was just another innocent, borderline pornographic American Apparel ad. Until I noticed Dov Charney’s two hairy legs protruding beneath the model’s half-naked body. All I gotta say is, “EW. EW. EW.”

Higher res image here.

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We gotta start it off with a positive jam.

The Hold Steady- “Stay Positive” 4.5 stars out of 5

I wrote this.

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Mmm, pot.

Pot Psychology!

Pot Psychology!

I love Pot Psychology, the weekly Jezebel advise column published every Friday afternoon at exactly 4.20pm. The irreverent feature gives all the pertinent info regarding blow job etiquette, inappropriate incest fantasies, the proper protocol regarding herpes disclaimers and other delightful sex topics. This week’s feature is a “best of” of sorts and it includes a question from a reader who wants a monogamous relationship… as long as it doesn’t inhibit her weekly boning sessions with a French fuck-buddy. Oh, and all of these questions are conducted whilst the two advice columnists — Tracie “Slut Machine” Egan and Rich Juzwiak — are stoned out of their minds. So basically, it’s awesome.

Moreover, I love Tracie Egan. I’ve been reading her Jezebel posts for the past year or so and her popular blog One D at a Time is both humorous and spot on. Her blog is outrageous (in a good way) and covers an array of topics, particularly her love of anonymous sex and her collection of vibrators. She’s a talented writer and, although my own life is far from Ms. Egan’s, I enjoy reading about her hysterical sexcapades.

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Republicans hate women.

And, more importantly, John “I-stopped-beating-my-wife-just-a-couple-of-weeks-ago” McCain hates women. Or at least he hates those whores who demand that insurance companies — who unanimously cover a man’s right to get an erection via Viagra — begin covering hormonal birth control as well. McCain’s national co-chairwomen Carly Fiorina recently addressed this issue, saying on Monday, “There are many health insurance plans that will cover Viagra but won’t cover birth control medication. Those women would like a choice.” Except — ha ha ha — McCain is uncomfortable talking about this issue, which a reporter recently brought up aboard his “Straight Talk Express” bus in Ohio. Clip below.

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