Republicans hate women.

And, more importantly, John “I-stopped-beating-my-wife-just-a-couple-of-weeks-ago” McCain hates women. Or at least he hates those whores who demand that insurance companies — who unanimously cover a man’s right to get an erection via Viagra — begin covering hormonal birth control as well. McCain’s national co-chairwomen Carly Fiorina recently addressed this issue, saying on Monday, “There are many health insurance plans that will cover Viagra but won’t cover birth control medication. Those women would like a choice.” Except — ha ha ha — McCain is uncomfortable talking about this issue, which a reporter recently brought up aboard his “Straight Talk Express” bus in Ohio. Clip below.

So much for “straight talk”. McCain has voted against Senate measures that would require insurance companies to cover birth control, citing the need for competition within the health insurance industry. According to the miraculous principles of free market enterprise, women would be able to drop insurance policies that cover Viagra and not birth control, thus spurring more health insurance companies to cover women’s needs. Obviously, for-profit health insurance companies can’t be held responsible for covering women’s reproductive health because that would be tampering with the market and God-forbid the government do that. McCain’s simplistic explanation fails to address that many women are forced to accept their employer’s health insurance policy, because paying for health insurance out-of-pocket is just too fucking expensive these days. For example, AT&T (my mother’s employer) covers my entire family through United Healthcare. Thankfully, United Healthcare does not completely shut out birth control costs, though it demands that my mom pay a $30 co-pay every month just so I don’t have to make an unexpected visit to the local Planned Parenthood (thanks mom!).

This, frankly, is fucking ridiculous. Leaving aside the fact that I feel the government should pay, in full, for condoms, birth control, abortions and other family planning measures, it’s absolutely hypocritical that supposed “pro-lifers” would support full coverage of Viagra so that men can make full use of their penises (peni?) while denying women the option of controlling their own reproductive organs. These are the same “family-friendly” politicians who use scare tactics to demote Gardasil (the cervical cancer vaccine for young girls), delayed the over-the-counter sale of Plan B, demand that underage girls receive parental permission before getting an abortion, and promote federally-funded abstinence-only education in public high schools.

And why are these politicians against health measures which would protect millions of females, while also decreasing the number of abortions performed across the country? Why, that would promote rampant promiscuity amongst our pure, virginal teenage girls and God-forbid we allow our little girls to be “tainted” by the unholy act of recreational sexy timin’ — unless they’re married, of course! It’s funny how these “pro-lifers” are whole-hearted slut-shamers who simultaneously absolve any male responsibility in the act of procreation. Wanna get hard so you can bang your modelesque girlfriend well into your 80s? Here’s some Viagra! Wanna protect yourself from STDs and substantially decrease the risk of unwanted pregnancy? Oh noez!! We can’t have that! What would Jesus think if we allowed our little girls to control their own bodies through FDA-approved health measures?

And people say that sexual repression is a thing of the past. Welcome to 21st century America, where sexism is still alive and kicking. Wanna do a little bit to help? Vote Obama in November and keep sexually frustrated white men (or at least the one in the above clip) from controlling your ovaries through anti-women legislation.

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